Go on. Touch me. I’m ready for you.

Germs are everywhere. You should totally disinfect every surface in your house and maintain constant vigilance about this because if somebody got germs on them it would be really sad.

I used to have to take my own disinfectant wipes to the store but now the stores have figured out that they should have them by the carts because, frankly, even I have germs that could get on people.

You don’t want to be rude, but really, people should just all try a little harder.

And I used to worry about germs being everywhere, because people would be outside with other people and they might get touched by them and who knows who those people might have touched and then bring the germs into the house. But now I have these wipes. They are fun to use. They make people happy. My house is hygienic and smiley. And now I don’t worry anymore. About that.

p.s. Here’s the ad that kicked off this post.

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3 Replies to “Go on. Touch me. I’m ready for you.”

  1. we use colgate total too. and after i saw this (front page of NYTimes business section, with color photo!!!) we tossed all of out triclosan-laced Colgate Total… even tubes that were more than half full– what waste! to make matters worse, the replacement toothpaste James bought (plain old crest paste) is sooooo sweet. i never thought i’d feel that way about toothpaste, but it really is appalling!

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  2. But what about anti-bodies? Which protect you from the bodies that other people have touched? Convinced that Purell will one day be shown to have to ghastly effect. My family practically does shots of it.

    Like

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